I read a blog this morning about the importance of journaling – so here I am. I’m not sure how much I’ve written since we’ve moved to New York – maybe nothing. A wave of intensity just rushed over my body as I wrote that last line. It was almost as if the hair stood up on my back (not that I have much hair on my back). I’m not sure exactly what that physical response was, but I’m 90% sure that it’s related to how much of a paradigm shift I’ve been in over the last few months. I’m trying to figure out if I go back and recount/reflect on it all, or if I start with today. Fuck it, let’s go back to the beginning.
It was Ashley and my first date – years ago at this point. We had hung out with friends – mostly getting drunk – but this was the first time we went somewhere together alone and sober. If my memory serves me correctly, we were sitting at the bar at… fuck, what’s that place called… PM, yeah that’s it. At that point, I had been back in Nashville for a year after spending the previous 5 years bouncing back and forth between New York, Milan, Paris, Miami, and London. Anyway, I’m sitting there with this hot chick who I’ve had this really amazing fun gut-level connection with, but it had only been a week and it felt like it was time to see if we saw the world in similar ways on the mental plane. And so we talked at PM.
It’s funny as I know that we surely talked about many things, but there is really only one topic that I most definitely remember discussing – and that was that I didn’t see myself becoming my truest self in Nashville. And furthermore, that I was most likely going to be moving in a year. I’m not sure if I explicitly asked if she would be down to move with me – this wouldn’t be outside my character so I very well might have – or if it was an implicit conversion that hinted at the idea of moving together, but I definitely walked away with two clear messages. The first was that she was definitely down to move, and the second was that I was in love.